Venus in Retrograde:

A Time to Cultivate New Relationship Patterns

Venus in retrograde often gets overshadowed by the emphasis put on the cycles of Mercury Retrograde. But it’s important to understand that Venus’ retrograde cycle is just as important as Mercury‘s. Venus is retrograde the least amount of time in comparison to all the other planets in the solar system. Mars goes retrograde less frequently, but surpasses Venus in duration. Venus goes retrograde about every 1.5 years for approximately 6 weeks. So consider the time when Venus is retrograde as especially potent, with more being reformed in less time.

All retrograde planets (especially Mercury, Venus & Mars) represent a need to slow down and rewind in some way (with no fast forwarding). The retrograde time periods are best related to through “Re” verbs, such as,  review, reassess, research, relax, reflect, retreat or reintegrate.  (However, in the realm of relationships, it is NOT time for rebounding!) Overall, this period engenders experiences that help to resolve the past and deal with unfinished business, regarding the archetypal nature of the retrograde planet.  In general, it’s best to withdraw from the extrinsic flow of the planet’s archetype.  It is a “Yin period,” where personal growth is experienced inwardly, so that when the planet goes direct in its “Yang Period,” one can manifest more overtly a higher resonance of the planetary expression.

According to the conventional astrological model, both signs Taurus (bull) & Libra (scales) are ruled by Venus. However, with my model, Venus only rules Libra. For elaboration on this topic, you may read my forthcoming article, entitled “Divine Reflections of Taurus,” theorizing that our planet, Earth, rules Taurus.  This article focuses on the resonating factors of Libra and Venus. For those of you with significant Libra energy in your astrological chart, you can expect to be more strongly affected when Venus is in Retrograde than those with less emphasis. For everyone, specific indications are most accurately assessed through your astrological chart to interpret how Venus is activating your soul’s blueprint or chart during this period.

Keeping in mind Venus, the Goddess of Love, this magnetic planet represents the relationships, love, femininity, & balance expressed in your life. Its resonance exudes magnetic qualities that attract and allure certain people and situations to you. Venus represents your inner magnet and how the “Law of Attraction” plays out in your life. What is it about your personality, magnetism, & attitudes that attract or distract certain people/circumstances to your life. You attract people because you want something from them. Relationships offer a complementary function, allowing us to develop qualities, that we normally project or mirror onto others, ultimately helping us to integrate them within ourselves to acquire balance and awareness about our true nature.

With relationships as a mirror, we are reflected back our true nature by what we react to most strongly in others, either positively or negatively. Anytime we feel deeply attracted to or repulsed by someone, this is an indicator of our shadow’s essence (what is repressed within ourselves). It offers a great opportunity to learn about ourselves. And it usually points to what we most need to work on in our relationships, by understanding our projections that may eclipse the person in front of us. The Buddhistic principle of mindfulness is very pertinent to this aspect of our relationships. How can we come clear in our projections and misperceptions in relationships, usually based on the shadow’s past, and be with others, as they truly are in the present moment? An accessible way to practice intimacy with a person in the present moment, is by listening deeply to him or her. Listening anchors us to the here and now, with the other person, practicing the engagement of relating fully. True listening is not necessarily an easy task. There are infinite distractions we encounter from our own minds and the environment. During Venus Retrograde, we can practice cultivating mindfulness & listening in our relationships to improve intimacy and perceiving others as they truly are.

It’s fundamental to deeply understand that all relationships start with the self. Self-love is the wellspring from which love of all else flows…Venus, therefore also, pertains to your relationship with yourself. Can you spend time in solitude and share contentment with the essence of yourself through your Muse, Daemon, or even shadow. Or are you constantly needing to be in the company of others, crowding out connections to your inner or higher self?  Overall, your capacity to love others is based on your capacity to love yourself.

Venus expresses the infinite facets of love in our lives. It’s insightful to reflect on the many dimensions of love and how it can put much into perspective regarding negativity, especially around fear. But the interesting paradox with this is, that often “love” & fear are intertwined, because what or who we love most, may bring on our biggest attachments, representing something we fear losing. Love levitates us to our highest degree, while testing our deepest insecurities, including patterns we most need to let go of to truly love and be free.  Putting your heart on the line involves some of the most personal risk, around painful issues regarding rejection and loss.  Once again, applying the principles of Buddhism may be helpful, by understanding that everything is impermanent.  Our attachments are based on the ego’s agendas and fears. If we can let go of the ego in our relationships, we can relate to others deeply and just be in the present moment with them.  This is obviously not an easy task and it’s important not to view this as “all or nothing.”  Just practice, and if you can break through this with others just occasionally, that’s a start.  Build it from there.  Even those moments of being present and detached from the ego are impermanent.  We’re always starting over.  I once read an interesting interview with the amazing singer/actress, Barbara Streisand (a Taurus), that makes another interesting point.  She admitted that most of her life, her focus has been on the audience and “being loved.” But she was learning the simple truth, that it’s much more important to focus on “loving others.” This conveys something we all need to be reminded of, often!  

When Venus is in Retrograde, it’s a conducive time to withdraw from relationships and objectively reassess the quality & patterns of your relationships. It’s an introspective time to redefine your relationship values. Do your current relationships still meet the criteria of your relationship needs? Are your relationships healthy and help to bring out your higher self? Are their co-dependency issues?  Issues around co-dependency block our connection with the cosmos, higher self and, thus, higher relationships.  Even those sparking a new relationship can benefit by standing back from their relationship.  When immersed in the passion of a new relationship, both can get so deluged by the flood of raw feelings & emotions, that the relationship drowns them.  Standing back to get some air allows them to catch up & integrate the newfound passion & intimacy.  When Venus is in Retrograde, there is often tensions and doubt because many partners feel their loved ones pulling away. This can lead to desperate and rash decisions regarding the relationship. This is not the time to make sudden changes in the relationship. It is time to contemplate them. It’s essential to understand that the ebb & flow of relationships is healthy, while supporting & trusting others throughout their relational process. Ebbing or standing back can enhance the health of the relationship, by offering time and space to attune to changes needed, so they can be made along the way, instead of drastically ending a relationship later, because it was outgrown from no space & time given to nurture growth. The Venus Retrograde period is not a conducive time for making long-term commitments in relationships, such as, weddings, engagements, or business partnership agreements.        

 It’s common to attract relationships from the past during Venus Retrograde.   Retrograde planets always mean dealing with unfinished business.   Regarding relationships, this may not always happen directly through interaction with others.  Completion may come about through our own innerwork or indirectly through a different person.   However, if it does involve direct communication or interaction with someone from your past, this is the ideal barometer to view how your relationship needs have changed and grown.  Beyond the drama of unfinished business, you may simply attract or feel the need to contact people from the past to merely catch up and reconnect with them.  It could serve as a nostalgic and regenerative time to meet with friends, lovers, or family members from the past and reintegrate certain relationships in your present life. 

In astrology Neptune expresses the higher octave of Venus, at a more transpersonal level. By understanding Neptunian qualities we can, perhaps, know better our soul and the higher connections made to true soul mates.  Mythologically, Neptune is the God of the Ocean and Patron God of Atlantis.  This planetary archetype symbolizes our abilities to let go and merge with the universal consciousness.  The deep, watery nature of Neptune allows us to feel emotional depth and compassion in our relationships.  However, all planets have a shadow side.  Neptune can inspire our deepest fantasies and gossamer of dreams, only to find them tarnished by the grim reality of disillusionment.  Venus’ shadow can involve attachments, mistrust, co-dependency & jealosies in our relationships.  Most of our committed relationships are embedded with the deepest attachments and expectations. However, by attuning ourselves to the higher side of Neptunian consciousness, we know that the more we love & trust, the more we let go, without attachment… When immersed in real love for another, you want what is truly best for him/her, independent of your personal desires & needs.  Overall, the oceanic qualities of Neptune (water element) have a lot to teach us regarding Venusian (air element) mental attachments in relationships. Do the relationships flow and give time & space for the cyclical ebb & flow?  Of course, we need some element of creative tension in our relationships. But, overall, why swim upstream in your relationships?  Neptune can inspire us to be in solitude and breathe in our higher self, so we can attract our higher or soul mates.  If you jump from one relationship to the other or attach to one unhealthily, you block the higher relationships, rewarded to you by the universe for holding that empty space with trust and patience.

Another way of looking at our soul connections with others is by relating them to Taoist principles. In the book, The Tao of Relationships by Ray Grigg, there are some powerful metaphors:

Find awe not fear. Fear is tightness that makes brittle, that hardens and restrains. Burdens & confines. Fear creates hardness then separation & breaking. In fear there cannot be trust and opening, flowing & releasing, giving and coming to oneness. Trust is softening that opens into awe.

When the bond between man & woman is ever changing, it is ever becoming. Ever becoming it is ever renewing and ever vital. Water-shaped, it is everywhere true to itself and the universe.

He also mentions the yin and yang relationship between giving and receiving. Most people have difficulty with one of these or both. In our modern, busy world many of us are overflowing with toxic overload. Maybe, you need to start by emptying, so that you are able to receive anything else, including love, from others.

Venusian qualities include the personal expression of creativity and beauty in our life. When Venus is retrograde, it serves as a fertile time to reexamine how you express creativity & beauty, both internally and externally. You may have conditioning from early life that curtails your fullest sense of self-expression. Maybe, you immerse yourself easily in developing inner creativity as a closet artist, but are blocked in allowing it to flow outward to share with others. Do you fear sharing it and having it rejected? Or vice versa, maybe you focus too much on the superficial to impress others, with no flowering within. You may need to get in touch with your inner artist. Many people think of themselves as “not creative” because they can’t paint, dance or do anything stereotypically creative. It’s important to open up the meaning of creativity to the infinitely dimensional qualities that is of its essence. Basically, it is creating something from the heart, whether that be an organization plan for your closet (Yes, Virgo’s you are creative!) or painting a picture. The most important thing is that it is an expression of your own inner beauty, that is truest to you, coming from your heart. As the 19th century Romantic poet, John Keats mused: “Beauty is Truth, truth beauty,-that is all Ye  know on earth, and all ye need to know.”   While I’m at it, I may as well include the superb line from the Sufi mystic-poet, Rumi, that has eloquently inspired us for centuries: “…let the beauty we love be what we do.”  

According to Jungian archetypal psychology, we all have the duality of our inner male and female.  Venus symbolizes the relationship with our femininity.  For women, it is obviously a core quality regarding their persona & sexuality.  However, for both women & men, it may exemplify qualities idealized and disowned, while projecting onto others.  This is more true with men and often describes the type of women he is attracted towards. Although, many modern men are learning to integrate their feminine nature into consciousness, without needing to live it out through women. In Jung’s book, Man and His Symbols, he defines the woman within a man, which he coined in the term, anima:

The anima is a personification of all feminine psychological tendencies in a man’s psyche, such as vague feelings and moods, prophetic hunches, receptiveness to the irrational, capacity for personal love, feeling for nature, and-last but not least-his relationship to the unconscious.

The male archetype within a woman, he called the animus, which is analogous in meaning to the male’s anima, symbolized by Mars in the chart (elaborated on in forthcoming article about Mars retrograde).  Bringing the unconscious archetypes to awareness, according to Jung, is part of the Individuation Process, that makes us whole and aware of our true, multi-dimensional natures. So, I am sure that you can hear this coming…Venus in Retrograde is an excellent time for men to do inner work on bringing to consciousness their anima or the woman within. For women, this time can foster the fruition of their true femininity, sexuality & disowned Venusian qualities.

Venus and Libra symbolize how we create balance & harmony in our life. Remember, the zodiac sign, Libra, is the Scales and an air element. In Medical Astrology, Venus & Libra rule the 2 kidneys. Interestingly, in Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), the kidneys hold the original energies of Yin and Yang and, thus, balance for the whole body, mind & soul. Maybe, Venus retrograde period would be a great time to rebalance your life. Where are you excessive or deficient? Where is there too much yang or yin? And physically, how is the health of your kidneys? Kidneys are a complex organ, that sustains the equilibrium of our body through its functions of filtering, absorbing and distribution of sodium (salt) & water. Additionally, Venus & Libra correspond with the heart/middle (4th) chakra. By working on this middle chakra, we can balance and integrate our physical and spiritual selves through the heart. By opening up the middle/heart chakra, you can balance out any tendencies on the spectrum of being-overly materialistic to an empty visionary- into balanced, heart knowledge and wisdom. Venus/Libra also represents justice and fairness. The retrograde period is a conducive time to attune yourself to the detached, objective sense of the air element, represented by Venus. This allows you to stand outside a relationship and objectively reassess the patterns of self and others, without blaming others (blaming is a protective mechanism used because it’s too painful to accept truth within yourself) or being self-deprecating. This skill empowers you to detach from emotions and see circumstances clearly and, thus, balance your relationships with fairness and equality.

Fairness and equality in relationships is an area that always has room for improvement. Here, we assess how power plays and dominance/victim-consciousness are played out, which may manifest in ways we normally do not recognize. The person afflicted with victim-consciousness may be so immersed in this, that they are blind to the fact that they can hurt others in relationships. There is a sort of passive-aggressive dominance here, that may need intervention from others to recognize. Issues around dominance exemplify a need to be in control, unleashing the Pandora’s Box for both individuals to reevaluate how each is equally playing their part. The meaning of Libra/Venus is rooted in partnership & equality, which goes beyond romance & marriage. It may include any kind of relationship on the spectrum-from your neighbor, business partner to your lover.

A friend quoted to me, “Mr. say it like it is,” Dr. Phil’s advice: “We teach people how to treat us.”  Teaching people how to treat us involves knowing & loving ourselves first and, thus, being clear on how we want to be treated. This is more complex than we initially think. We are so embedded with unhealthy relationship patterns from lifetime(s) of relationships, that there may be confusion on an honest appraisal of this. But this is where it all begins, doing the inner work, to gain clarity on your relationship values and how you want to be treated.  If you are not clear on how you want to be treated, that’s what you will attract: people who are ambiguous and non-commital, eluding and beguiling your sense of rootedness and trust in the relationship…or people who flagrantly exemplify how you do or don’t want to be treated so you can become clear on this through a potent lesson.  Obviously, it’s important to come full circle with this principle, by treating others the way that you want to be treated.

In conclusion, I want to personally comment that this article was very therapeutic for me to write. As they say, “Teach what you most need to learn.” Which for me is true, as well as, “Write what you most need to learn.” What was written here only scratches the surface of this subject. All relationships are as individual & complex as each of our own souls. However, the bottom-line for all of us during Venus Retrograde is to determine what are the biggest interferences to intimacy in our relationships, with self and others. How can you align yourself with healthy & enriching relationships? What changes can you make within yourself (no blaming)? What new relationship patterns would you like to cultivate? Many of you know much of what I said here is true, but living it is the challenge. It’s only through relationships that we have the opportunity to practice these insights of wisdom. Relationships are the arena that bring to stage our inner complexes (shadows) that need to be healed and rebalanced. So take the time over this 6-week period of Venus retrograde to do the inner work. Then, you have a year and half to practice in your life and relationships, before you go inward and take it to the next level during the next retrograde period.